I tend to have a pretty hairy face on average. Most people never get to experience it since I continuously shave. Granted, I'm sure a full beard is something I'm missing out on. I'd like to look like a mountain man one day. Because of my fast growing facial hairs, a few years ago I switched from the wonders of the electrical razor to a new fangled razor, aptly titled the GILLETTE MACH 3 TURBO! I feel like I'm placing an Air Force Jet on my face to destroy the absurd hairs that attack my daily life. And it worked well.
I left on vacation without bringing any razors with me. So I hit up my local Meijer to pick up some new ones. And there they were, sitting on the counter on sale, beckoning me.
The Schick Quattro Razor. Sure it doesn't sound as exciting as the MACH 3 TURBO, but it got me thinking. Four blades. Four blades instead of three. If three blades kept my face silky smooth for over a day, then four must do the job for a week.
Right then. Right there. My decision was made. I was going to switch over to the Schick Quattro.
This, my friends, may have been the biggest mistake of my life.
I brought that baby into the shower with me, since I don't use shaving cream. I shave without mirrors in the shower. Like our forefathers did. Real men. And the result was one of the worst shaving experiences I've ever had in my life.
You want to know what four blades do? I'm going to tell you.
Four blades do nothing.
That's right. The four blades succeed in doing nothing other than getting hair caught between the blades. That happens to most razors, right? Yeah, except that it takes damn near a half hour to clean the blade between shaves. People are probably thinking I'm dying in the shower as a result of this new razor.
I finally finish up what feels like six hours later, and I feel that I have had a satisfactory shave. I go about my daily business thinking everything is all right.
I wake up the next morning like I never even shaved at all. I almost wonder if the Quattro has some sort of MiracleGro ingredient that makes hair grow FASTER than it did before. My anger knew no bounds. Yet, I had no other option than to spend another $10 on a classy razor. (I don't use those single bladed baby razors. Those are for sissies and for shaving your dog.)
Once I returned to my apartment, I broke out the MACH 3 once more and felt liberated. I will continue to keep the Schick Quattro, but as a reminder of everything that is wrong with the world.
Don't mess with perfection. MACH 3 is for real men.