I tend to have a pretty hairy face on average. Most people never get to experience it since I continuously shave. Granted, I'm sure a full beard is something I'm missing out on. I'd like to look like a mountain man one day. Because of my fast growing facial hairs, a few years ago I switched from the wonders of the electrical razor to a new fangled razor, aptly titled the GILLETTE MACH 3 TURBO! I feel like I'm placing an Air Force Jet on my face to destroy the absurd hairs that attack my daily life. And it worked well.
Until recently.
I left on vacation without bringing any razors with me. So I hit up my local Meijer to pick up some new ones. And there they were, sitting on the counter on sale, beckoning me.
The Schick Quattro Razor. Sure it doesn't sound as exciting as the MACH 3 TURBO, but it got me thinking. Four blades. Four blades instead of three. If three blades kept my face silky smooth for over a day, then four must do the job for a week.
Right then. Right there. My decision was made. I was going to switch over to the Schick Quattro.
This, my friends, may have been the biggest mistake of my life.
I brought that baby into the shower with me, since I don't use shaving cream. I shave without mirrors in the shower. Like our forefathers did. Real men. And the result was one of the worst shaving experiences I've ever had in my life.
You want to know what four blades do? I'm going to tell you.
Four blades do nothing.
That's right. The four blades succeed in doing nothing other than getting hair caught between the blades. That happens to most razors, right? Yeah, except that it takes damn near a half hour to clean the blade between shaves. People are probably thinking I'm dying in the shower as a result of this new razor.
I finally finish up what feels like six hours later, and I feel that I have had a satisfactory shave. I go about my daily business thinking everything is all right.
I wake up the next morning like I never even shaved at all. I almost wonder if the Quattro has some sort of MiracleGro ingredient that makes hair grow FASTER than it did before. My anger knew no bounds. Yet, I had no other option than to spend another $10 on a classy razor. (I don't use those single bladed baby razors. Those are for sissies and for shaving your dog.)
Once I returned to my apartment, I broke out the MACH 3 once more and felt liberated. I will continue to keep the Schick Quattro, but as a reminder of everything that is wrong with the world.
Don't mess with perfection. MACH 3 is for real men.
GRADE: D-
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Live Free or Die Hard Review
This is a particularly difficult movie to review. On the one hand, there is the history of the Die Hard franchise to contend with. And on the other hand there exists Live Free or Die Hard completely separate from the older films. Yet, one cannot watch this new movie without thinking of that which came before it. And that is where much of the problem lies.
The movie begins when the FBI's Cyber Division is attacked. In an effort to discover who the hacker was, a list of possible suspects is compiled and tasked to local police districts to go pick these suspects up. John McClane (Bruce Willis) is given the honor to pick up Matthew Farrell (Justin Long, who most of you might know as the 'Mac Guy'), who just so happens to be marked for assassination by the terrorists since Farrell wrote an algorithm for them, not knowing who his employers really were. Of course, this sets in motion a series of events that range from completely absurd to somewhat cool.
To start with, the bad guys truly seem like non-threats. Yes, they are causing all sorts of damage but not one of them has the charisma or gravitas to even be put in the same league as Hans Gruber from the original or even Col. Stuart from the second or Simon Gruber from the third. What is rather interesting is how Timothy Olyphant has been rather satisfactory is some of his previous roles and even seemed to be more dangerous than he is here. His character Thomas Gabriel and McClane never seem to have the chemistry that Willis and his former villains had.
The third in command villain (whose name escapes me...if he even had one) is nothing more than a Spider-Man wannabe and his acrobatic feats seem completely out of place in the Die Hard universe. Whenever this character is on screen, the suspension of disbelief is lost because it destroys the gritty sense of realism trying to be portrayed, even if one might argue that the realism is already ineffective.
Maggie Q (from Mission: Impossible 3) plays Mai Lihn, who is Gabriel's second in command and also girlfriend. The only reason she seems to be in the movie is that she is attractive and to give Gabriel a reason to get even angrier at McClane. Otherwise she could be another nameless, faceless villain for McClane to contend with.
There are also a few massive plot holes that are difficult to get around. Thomas Gabriel could have been found much earlier in the movie if people would have shared certain information when it was pertinent. Unfortunately, the information needs to be procured by McClane first in order for people to realize that it is relevant. This seems entirely unrealistic and was obviously a ploy to keep the movie going.
The PG-13 is also felt. There are so many cut-aways from violent scenes that you just know they were not originally planning on PG-13. Die Hard is, and always has been, an R-rated franchise. McClane swears up a storm, not caring who is around to hear it or who he offends. He is a brutal fighter and does not let up. The bad guys have always been brutal, ruthless killers. But none of that is seen in this movie, and it is not better off for it. Even McClane's catchphrase is almost whispered and the "fucker" in "motherfucker" is cut off by a gunshot. There were even a few completely obvious dubs, when the character was saying something that obviously was not filmed that way.
Yet, that is not to say that the movie is a total loss. On the contrary, there are many enjoyable moments in the movie. Justin Long starts out as incredibly annoying despite saying a few humorous things. Although as the movie goes on, he tends to calm down and his character is much better for it. He never seems to be a true worthy companion to McClane but his presence is tolerable for the most part. McClane's daughter Lucy (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) is brought into the movie for no reason other than to "make it personal", but she is sufficient with what she is given to work with.
The action is also satisfactory. Director Len Wiseman (of the "Underworld" movies) crafts a few action set pieces that could probably be seen in just about any other movie. But no other movie has John McClane. His attempt at realism is a somewhat mixed bag. There are times where it feels like some of the most outlandish stunts could possibly happen in the real world, but McClane walks away from them with such ease that it jerks you out of that realism. If they were able to go for the full R-rating, then the action probably would have been slightly more than satisfactory as opposed to satisfactory.
Finally, there is Bruce Willis making his return as John McClane. How does he fare? Well, for the most part, he's still McClane. Sure the swearing is gone and he doesn't wisecrack as much as he used to, but the core character is still the same. A few jokes could have been better, but it was still nice to see him back in action. Yet, there is no reason for this to be John McClane. One could probably put in any other action hero and get similar results. Although, once again, it was good to see him.
Ultimately, the movie is a satisfactory entry into the Die Hard franchise and is overall a welcome return. Comparing it to the previous films, yes it is rather flawed, but so are 2 and 3. When it is working, it is working. But when it's not, it's not. And I'm sure we'll see the "Unrated Cut" on DVD in 6 months to a year, so I am holding out hope that it returns some of the gritty realism that is so obviously missing from the movie.
B-
The movie begins when the FBI's Cyber Division is attacked. In an effort to discover who the hacker was, a list of possible suspects is compiled and tasked to local police districts to go pick these suspects up. John McClane (Bruce Willis) is given the honor to pick up Matthew Farrell (Justin Long, who most of you might know as the 'Mac Guy'), who just so happens to be marked for assassination by the terrorists since Farrell wrote an algorithm for them, not knowing who his employers really were. Of course, this sets in motion a series of events that range from completely absurd to somewhat cool.
To start with, the bad guys truly seem like non-threats. Yes, they are causing all sorts of damage but not one of them has the charisma or gravitas to even be put in the same league as Hans Gruber from the original or even Col. Stuart from the second or Simon Gruber from the third. What is rather interesting is how Timothy Olyphant has been rather satisfactory is some of his previous roles and even seemed to be more dangerous than he is here. His character Thomas Gabriel and McClane never seem to have the chemistry that Willis and his former villains had.
The third in command villain (whose name escapes me...if he even had one) is nothing more than a Spider-Man wannabe and his acrobatic feats seem completely out of place in the Die Hard universe. Whenever this character is on screen, the suspension of disbelief is lost because it destroys the gritty sense of realism trying to be portrayed, even if one might argue that the realism is already ineffective.
Maggie Q (from Mission: Impossible 3) plays Mai Lihn, who is Gabriel's second in command and also girlfriend. The only reason she seems to be in the movie is that she is attractive and to give Gabriel a reason to get even angrier at McClane. Otherwise she could be another nameless, faceless villain for McClane to contend with.
There are also a few massive plot holes that are difficult to get around. Thomas Gabriel could have been found much earlier in the movie if people would have shared certain information when it was pertinent. Unfortunately, the information needs to be procured by McClane first in order for people to realize that it is relevant. This seems entirely unrealistic and was obviously a ploy to keep the movie going.
The PG-13 is also felt. There are so many cut-aways from violent scenes that you just know they were not originally planning on PG-13. Die Hard is, and always has been, an R-rated franchise. McClane swears up a storm, not caring who is around to hear it or who he offends. He is a brutal fighter and does not let up. The bad guys have always been brutal, ruthless killers. But none of that is seen in this movie, and it is not better off for it. Even McClane's catchphrase is almost whispered and the "fucker" in "motherfucker" is cut off by a gunshot. There were even a few completely obvious dubs, when the character was saying something that obviously was not filmed that way.
Yet, that is not to say that the movie is a total loss. On the contrary, there are many enjoyable moments in the movie. Justin Long starts out as incredibly annoying despite saying a few humorous things. Although as the movie goes on, he tends to calm down and his character is much better for it. He never seems to be a true worthy companion to McClane but his presence is tolerable for the most part. McClane's daughter Lucy (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) is brought into the movie for no reason other than to "make it personal", but she is sufficient with what she is given to work with.
The action is also satisfactory. Director Len Wiseman (of the "Underworld" movies) crafts a few action set pieces that could probably be seen in just about any other movie. But no other movie has John McClane. His attempt at realism is a somewhat mixed bag. There are times where it feels like some of the most outlandish stunts could possibly happen in the real world, but McClane walks away from them with such ease that it jerks you out of that realism. If they were able to go for the full R-rating, then the action probably would have been slightly more than satisfactory as opposed to satisfactory.
Finally, there is Bruce Willis making his return as John McClane. How does he fare? Well, for the most part, he's still McClane. Sure the swearing is gone and he doesn't wisecrack as much as he used to, but the core character is still the same. A few jokes could have been better, but it was still nice to see him back in action. Yet, there is no reason for this to be John McClane. One could probably put in any other action hero and get similar results. Although, once again, it was good to see him.
Ultimately, the movie is a satisfactory entry into the Die Hard franchise and is overall a welcome return. Comparing it to the previous films, yes it is rather flawed, but so are 2 and 3. When it is working, it is working. But when it's not, it's not. And I'm sure we'll see the "Unrated Cut" on DVD in 6 months to a year, so I am holding out hope that it returns some of the gritty realism that is so obviously missing from the movie.
B-
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Indiana Jones and the First Day of Filming
Indianajones.com has a cool video of Stephen Spielberg and George Lucas prepping for the first day of filming the new Indiana Jones movie. The roarin' 50's are back in action as is evident in this new, cool video.
I can't tell you how excited I am to see a new Indiana Jones movie. Here's to hoping that it's good.
First Day on the Set
I can't tell you how excited I am to see a new Indiana Jones movie. Here's to hoping that it's good.
First Day on the Set
Harold Perrineau (Michael Dawson) returning to Lost?
Kristin from E! Online is reporting that Lost producers have made an offer to Harold Perrineau to return as a season regular for Lost this year. Apparently, negotiations are underway, and hopefully they can come to some sort of agreement.
I, for one, would LOVE to see Murderin' Michael back on the show, since the presence of Walt in the season 3 finale pretty much DEMANDS it.
I mean, seriously Harry, what else do you have on your plate anyway? Your CBS pilot didn't get picked up, and you were relegated to a lame helicopter pilot in "28 Weeks Later". I think it might be time for you to turn that little tugboat around and head back to everyone's favorite island.
I, for one, would LOVE to see Murderin' Michael back on the show, since the presence of Walt in the season 3 finale pretty much DEMANDS it.
I mean, seriously Harry, what else do you have on your plate anyway? Your CBS pilot didn't get picked up, and you were relegated to a lame helicopter pilot in "28 Weeks Later". I think it might be time for you to turn that little tugboat around and head back to everyone's favorite island.
Who Am I?
I don't know how unorthodox it is to do two consecutive posts, but hey, I'm new to this whole thing. I figure that I should give a little reference for the types of media I enjoy. Since you have already gotten an idea on the types of television shows that I watch, I should probably give you an idea of the types of movies I watch and video games I play to see if your interests are even close to lining up with mine. So here we go.
I am a huge fan of all movies. No budget, big budget, it doesn't matter. I tend to approach "event" movies as actual events. I watch movies like Spider-Man, Pirates of the Caribbean, Die Hard, Transformers, etc. for their spectacle and I treat that as such. But that's not to say that I don't enjoy smaller, more personal movies like "Half Nelson" or "The Last King of Scotland." I liken it to watching different sports. One doesn't go to an NBA Finals game with the same enthusiasm as one would go to the US Open. You may like both equally, but the events are treated entirely different.
The one genre that I can never seem to get into is the horror genre. I watch them, but on average I do not enjoy them very much. I don't know why that is, but that's the way things go I suppose. I rarely find myself scared, as well, which could have something to do with it. Maybe I'm just not taking enough girls to these things to enjoy it enough. Other than that, I'm pretty accepting of all other genres.
In terms of video games, I try to keep an open mind. I currently own a Nintendo Wii, an Xbox 360 and a Playstation 2. I don't see myself buying a Playstation 3 anytime soon, since most of the games are available for the 360 and the ones that aren't do not entice me to spend $600 on a video game console. Although that could all change once Metal Gear Solid 4 comes out. I tend to enjoy entire series of games, so if I mention a game in which there are multiple installments, I like all installments unless otherwise stated. My favorite games are Halo, Metal Gear Solid, Kingdom Hearts, Splinter Cell, Paper Mario, Guitar Hero, Final Fantasy X, Zelda, Resident Evil 4, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, and a few others.
I tend to play more action oriented games like Halo, although I would consider myself to enjoy anything that plays well. The only one I tend to stay away from on average would be RPGs. The only problem I have is the amount of time they normally take is not conducive to the amount of time I normally have. That, and all the pointless leveling up I need to do is never enjoyable to me.
One of the largest draws to video games for me is the storytelling. I see video games as an incredible new way to tell stories and I see it being done more and more effectively. The games that I will be reviewing on this blog will be heavily focused on story and in fact, could make or break whether or not I would recommend a game.
Now that I have the more serious stuff out of the way, my background, my likes, dislikes, and whatnot, we can move on to the fun stuff. So here we go!
I am a huge fan of all movies. No budget, big budget, it doesn't matter. I tend to approach "event" movies as actual events. I watch movies like Spider-Man, Pirates of the Caribbean, Die Hard, Transformers, etc. for their spectacle and I treat that as such. But that's not to say that I don't enjoy smaller, more personal movies like "Half Nelson" or "The Last King of Scotland." I liken it to watching different sports. One doesn't go to an NBA Finals game with the same enthusiasm as one would go to the US Open. You may like both equally, but the events are treated entirely different.
The one genre that I can never seem to get into is the horror genre. I watch them, but on average I do not enjoy them very much. I don't know why that is, but that's the way things go I suppose. I rarely find myself scared, as well, which could have something to do with it. Maybe I'm just not taking enough girls to these things to enjoy it enough. Other than that, I'm pretty accepting of all other genres.
In terms of video games, I try to keep an open mind. I currently own a Nintendo Wii, an Xbox 360 and a Playstation 2. I don't see myself buying a Playstation 3 anytime soon, since most of the games are available for the 360 and the ones that aren't do not entice me to spend $600 on a video game console. Although that could all change once Metal Gear Solid 4 comes out. I tend to enjoy entire series of games, so if I mention a game in which there are multiple installments, I like all installments unless otherwise stated. My favorite games are Halo, Metal Gear Solid, Kingdom Hearts, Splinter Cell, Paper Mario, Guitar Hero, Final Fantasy X, Zelda, Resident Evil 4, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, and a few others.
I tend to play more action oriented games like Halo, although I would consider myself to enjoy anything that plays well. The only one I tend to stay away from on average would be RPGs. The only problem I have is the amount of time they normally take is not conducive to the amount of time I normally have. That, and all the pointless leveling up I need to do is never enjoyable to me.
One of the largest draws to video games for me is the storytelling. I see video games as an incredible new way to tell stories and I see it being done more and more effectively. The games that I will be reviewing on this blog will be heavily focused on story and in fact, could make or break whether or not I would recommend a game.
Now that I have the more serious stuff out of the way, my background, my likes, dislikes, and whatnot, we can move on to the fun stuff. So here we go!
The First in a Long Line of Blog Posts
Throughout my life, I've spent a good portion on the internet writing about things that are important to me. Mainly those things have consisted of movies, video games, and television shows. The world of entertainment is an incredibly important influence of my life. I love all aspects of it and will certainly continue to feel this way in the foreseeable future.
The problem laid in the fact that until now, I never had a proper outlet for something like this. LiveJournal and MySpace are two very limited forums in which there is great difficulty creating an effective blog. So I've decided to port myself over in this direction, one more suited to my overall style. That is not to say that I will quit posting on MySpace. On the contrary, I am sure that I will continue to post carbon copies of whatever I post here there as well. But I feel that this is going to be my primary outlet.
So what are you going to see here? Well, that really depends. I would say that primarily it will be movie reviews. I see at least one or two movies every week and I often enjoy writing about them. And my first order of business will probably be to write a review of Live Free or Die Hard which I am sure I will inevitably see on Wednesday. If I get the opportunity to see an advance copy of a movie, then I will definitely write reviews up about those.
Also, within the blog there will hopefully be some video game reviews as well. I do not play video games as often as I would like. But the ones that I do play, I will write about. Also, I'll include any relevant gaming or movie news that I feel needs to be shared.
I am also a HUGE fan of certain television programs. My favorite programs at the moment are Lost, Heroes, Dexter, 24 (provided they change things up in season 7), Smallville (I honestly think it sucks now but continue watching out of habit), The Office, and Prison Break. Lost being my favorite, I will hopefully be writing about that as often as possible.
At any rate, I am sure there will also be some random ramblings from time to time about the state of the world or my personal grievances or other rants of that nature. I am looking to both entertain and inform and bring the world together in perfect harmony, through a blog.
So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.
SeannyD
P.S. I hate the word blog. But what other word for this sort of thing is there anyway?
The problem laid in the fact that until now, I never had a proper outlet for something like this. LiveJournal and MySpace are two very limited forums in which there is great difficulty creating an effective blog. So I've decided to port myself over in this direction, one more suited to my overall style. That is not to say that I will quit posting on MySpace. On the contrary, I am sure that I will continue to post carbon copies of whatever I post here there as well. But I feel that this is going to be my primary outlet.
So what are you going to see here? Well, that really depends. I would say that primarily it will be movie reviews. I see at least one or two movies every week and I often enjoy writing about them. And my first order of business will probably be to write a review of Live Free or Die Hard which I am sure I will inevitably see on Wednesday. If I get the opportunity to see an advance copy of a movie, then I will definitely write reviews up about those.
Also, within the blog there will hopefully be some video game reviews as well. I do not play video games as often as I would like. But the ones that I do play, I will write about. Also, I'll include any relevant gaming or movie news that I feel needs to be shared.
I am also a HUGE fan of certain television programs. My favorite programs at the moment are Lost, Heroes, Dexter, 24 (provided they change things up in season 7), Smallville (I honestly think it sucks now but continue watching out of habit), The Office, and Prison Break. Lost being my favorite, I will hopefully be writing about that as often as possible.
At any rate, I am sure there will also be some random ramblings from time to time about the state of the world or my personal grievances or other rants of that nature. I am looking to both entertain and inform and bring the world together in perfect harmony, through a blog.
So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.
SeannyD
P.S. I hate the word blog. But what other word for this sort of thing is there anyway?
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